Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
