my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
