you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
