man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
