My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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