It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She even gives head with a lisp.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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