i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
