need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
