the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
