i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
