omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
