i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
