question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
