I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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