his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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