$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
