My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
