No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
3pm strippers are depressing
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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