someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
