He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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