this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
