I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
