why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
