I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
