Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
