Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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