i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
