he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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