in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i believe in u and ur pee
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
