Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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