he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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