Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
