I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
