in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
