What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
