I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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