i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
