it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
