Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
