I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We need to rekindle our bromance
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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