I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh god it's open bar.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
