Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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