I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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