He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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