you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Two words: nipple clamps
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