Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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