sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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