I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
