i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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