I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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